But anyway, guess what? Today I ran 4 miles. Some of you may think... holy crap, no thanks. Others may think- psshh, that's a cinch! Well I'm here to tell you-- for me, each run is huge. .......And if you think its a cinch, slow it down and get a new hobby. (Just kidding, I totally respect the hell out of you!! Seriously.)
I started running at the beginning of last spring-- I was sick and tired of the scale going up a little at a time, and scared of where it would end up, or better yet- that it would never end....the going up, that is. There was also the need for a hobby- as I am no longer planning a wedding that takes up alot of time.. and was really fun for that matter. It was a "rite of passage" that I had no problem fully enjoying, and although I may still visit wedding bee from time to time, I seriously seriously needed that new hobby, one that was healthy for me in a multitude of ways...and didn't involve going out to bars every Saturday night and dancing (let's face it, that scene is just getting old) It bores me, and quite frankly puts me to sleep...literally. Or maybe that's the fact that my life exhausts me right now and I could gladly go to bed by about 9.....eh, 8:30, easily. Anyway..the new hobby-- is one that will be popping up for a long time to come in my book of life. Running this summer has been a journey, and I am still on that journey-- and will forever be on that journey.
Just to clarify, a fun night out is not something I'll be getting rid of in my life, I mean, I'm 24 and love to go out. Really. Its just a much more selective, sparing process... and I'm happy with that.
Before we continue, I might add, I've had a banana to eat today. That's not enough. And I really needed to chug some water out there...but didn't bring any water. So now I'm sitting here frantically trying to get some of my thoughts recorded with a little bit of a shake and the occasional desperate chugging of a glass of water. So if things don't make sense from time to time as you read... that's why... and its cool.. I'll eat in a minute.
So anyway, here I am. Up to 4 miles!! Well actually.. it was 4.12 miles. Yay me... I'm looking at the big picture here. I run 2 to 4 times a week-- anywhere from 8 to 15ish miles a week. And I'm seeing results. Results that are an added bonus to my overall improvement of mind, body, and soul satisfaction..the kind I have never experienced in my life really. I feel like I'm hearing more, seeing more, and being wiser, happier and just ...LIVING!
One of the biggest things I've discovered, is that although the connections to my past are sacred to me, the bigger treasure is that I am seperate from all of the things that I feel have tied me to a big, tall, thick, SOLID WOODEN post previously. They've tied me there with guilt, regret, some more guilt, lots and lots of sadness, and the want to please/help/and rescue everyone, and live up to expectations that are not my own. Guilt not necessarily because I've done something wrong, but because I can't do everything for everyone, or make everyone happy. Because I want happiness, completeness, love...for everyone in my life. What I want for me, is to be happy and healthy-- and have a sense of family and love that remind me I am whole and that I am a person that has every right to live a wonderful life! And, I want to feel that the decisions I make, are the right decisions, the ok decisions, and that I don't have to worry about what everyone thinks about every single little decision. (Not that they really give a damn anyway, lol, I just think they MIGHT!) Everyone else's feelings are temporary....whatever I cause them to feel.. is temporary-- and that's life. I am happy to feel completely good living a life centered around myself, my husband, our family now, our future family, God, great girlfriends,and friends in general, a puppy name Minnie (whom a co-worker told me has the name of a pansy, making it totally hilarious that she will CUT anything that comes through our mail slot) those very co-workers who are also family, the fabulous fall foliage that's about to happen, the future Christmas music that will dance through my ears, great nail color, reflective runs, triumphant HIIT sessions, the pounds I'm shedding and throwing in the trash, forever, and ya know..whatever else comes along. (That was a short list, ok?) None of those things are in any particular order of priority, but I'm thinking family, friends and my husband > nail color. And when I say "good", that's not a mediocre term, that's a term that I am completely content with, no matter how its defined, because "good" is what I want.
When I ran today, I thought about the runs I've ran. (or is it run? I'm not really a grammar Nazi, so I won't look it up....) I tried to think about how many runs I've ...ran...this summer. If we consider May-August summer, then I'd estimate it at 4 months, and about 4 weeks per month equaling 16 weeks. We'll average the run per week at 3/week, and say its been about... 48 runs. I like to round things up today, so we'll go with 50. 50 runs later, and 2 days a week of HIIT, plus moderately watching what I eat, and just being happy...and I'm down about 23 pounds.... and countless inches, which I SERIOUSLY wish I would have been keeping track of. But that's the thing, I'm not really keeping track of it all a whole lot-- and maybe, just maybe that's the key to my success.....
So into fall, I'll continue to run, and I'll continue to do HIIT, and I'll be adding a Saturday strength training to my routine.... and I'll update you. I'll mostly just be recording my feelings, thoughts, and "break- throughs" so I can reflect rather casually at where this journey has taken me. Sounds good to me... I like this blog stuff.
And last but not least, my fave song by Duffy came on at the end of my run. I was in cool down mode, trying to get the smell of the new road they were putting down out of my nostrils, and also trying not to make eye contact with the construction workers who were most likely thinking... "wish I had the day off to do things like, run, and listen to my iPod... instead of making this road..." and this particular song reminds me of my husband..alot. I love him... alot. And I have to tell you, one of the biggest motivators for me in this process has been him. When I began HIIT I was a bit, er I mean, alot apprehensive about going back, ever again, since the first class nearly killed me. Not to mention, I wasn't thrilled about sweating my butt off and breathing like a bull in front of several other peers of the opposite sex, and some cool chicks that I wanna be like...quite frankly. So I asked him to please try to work it out to come with me, to help me just GET THERE every class, and then to have a partner that wasn't judging me for my bull breathing and instead loving me, like no other person could possibly love me....and pushing me to love the class. Its now a necessity for both of us to get to HIIT each week just like eating, breathing (yes, like a bull) and chugging yet another glass of water in this sitting is. So-- thanks, T.J. You're awesome, you're a great person, and I am so lucky God chose you for me. Thanks for marrying me, best friend!!!
So.. I don't know when we'll meet again, could be a month..could be tomorrow---- but I'll see you on the flip side homeslices! : )
Oh, and here's that song......
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